Who NOT to date (Recognising Trouble)


Some guys are just trouble. Some of them know they are trouble. Some don’t know it but they are still trouble! The big question is, do you know trouble when you see it? I’ve come to recognise that there are some traits to watch out for.  They are a big red flashing warning saying “Don’t Date Me”!  You should heed this warning!

Many of these guys have the same M.O. and once you know what to look for you’ll learn to identify them.  Delete them before you bother dating them. When I was internet dating, my finger hovered ever closer to the delete button and if I saw a couple of these traits in one person… DELETE!  If you know what to look for you can spot them a mile away… and use that button!

Delete before Dating

The Scammer

This guy is slick.  He’s slick because this is a business for him.  He has tried out his lines a million times and he knows just what to say.  He will try to make you feel as if you have a connection but without ever  meeting him.  This guy wants your money and is not above using your vulnerability. He is pond scum and this is how to recognise him:

  1. he will want to get you off the dating site and email you directly.  This is because he either has or soon will be reported to the site and they’ll shut him down.  He knows this.
  2. he will go for your sympathy.  He will say he is a widower, possibly with a child he is raising alone.  What a pig.
  3. he will avoid texting or calling you.  Because this will cost him money, so he won’t do it.
  4. he may say he is serving overseas in the armed forces.
  5. he might have imperfect English.  Ask him about it if he does.
  6. he will announce strong feelings for you before you’ve even met which is, of course, ridiculous.

Dating advice

The Sleaze

What a delight this man is.  He has no interest in dating you, but just wants the cheapest possible thrill with the minimal possible investment.  No doubt he has one hand on the keyboard and the other down his pants.  Here is how you’ll know him:

  1. he will want to meet you for a drink rather than a coffee.  He thinks he is more likely to get lucky if you’re drunk and you can’t see him properly.  He’s right.
  2. he will steer the conversation to intimate and inappropriate topics very early in the conversation;
  3. he will invite you to his house, or invite himself to yours;
  4. he will quickly lose interest in you if you choose not to indulge him.

When dating goes wrong

The Desperado

Oh no.  Oh no, no, no, no.   You’ve worked too hard and come too far to get sucked in by this guy.  Please girls …

  1.  he will attach much too quickly.  Genuine feelings take time and this guy is in a hurry to lock you down.
  2. he will text you too often;
  3. he will get irritable if you don’t reply to his many messages and calls;
  4. he will manipulate you if he senses you are losing interest.  That’s always a winning move … NOT.

The Narcissist

Get your running shoes on and head for the hills.  You do not want to bother dating this one, please believe me.

  1. he will forget things you’ve told him already.  This is because he is only ever half-listening.
  2. he will top every story you share because, obviously, his stories are all better.
  3. he will find a way to bring conversations back to himself.  Most of the time he is just waiting for people to stop talking so that he can get back to being the star of the show

The Misogynist

Imagine yourself married to Donald Trump, and you’ll understand why you want to avoid this one.

  1. he will dismiss or downplay any strong feelings or opinions you have.  That’s nice, isn’t it?
  2. he will always need to have the last word.
  3. he will be insecure about you which will appear as anger.  He does not like to be challenged, particularly by a woman and if you threaten his position as top dog, he will bite.

If some lucky bugger gets through this gauntlet, I’ve got some tips on what to do (and not do) on your first date here.  Don’t be put off dating – there are so many success stories out there.   I share because I care.